The Ride Report

It was late, very late, and I was in a foul mood. It really isn’t important why, just that I wanted to reach out and tear at the night with my teeth. Downtown was a snarl of aggressive cabs, foolish peds, cops, cars, and a whole host of other obstacles. Fuck each and every one of them.

Dodge, swerve, weave.

I was in the far right lane of traffic until the gap started to close, boom, two lanes over in one fell swoop. I am now 4 lanes to the left, a line of cops and cones pushes the traffic to the right, I push through behind them doing at least 25 mph. “Slooooooow Doooooooown” is all the cops contribute to my night. Fuck them, fuck everyone.

Air, space, freedom.

At least for a hundred yards, it’s up hill here, I am a snarling frothy mess. This hill is the enemy, it hates me and I hate it.

Spitting, cussing, pumping.

I am up out of the saddle mashing for all I am worth, the cars start to blur. It might have been tears, or perhaps just something in my eye, the red brake lights start to leave glowing tales. Ghostly trails that show me where the danger is. Fuck all of them, I hate them, I hate myself.

Push, push push.

I am off like a shot, fuck red lights, fuck stop signs. Nothing is going to stop me tonight.

Look left, look right.

I judge just right and shoot through both lanes of cross traffic, no horns, nothing. They didn’t even know I was there till I was gone. I am an angry poltergeist, and I have no fear, and no desire for self preservation.

Squeeze, mash, pack.

The road is getting smaller, the car compressed into less and less space. FUCK, I hate the very air that I breath to keep going. I want to pedal myself into oblivion, nothing will stop me. I look to my right as I dodge yet another cab. To my left is a car full of young drunk men. They look to me, and begin the ritual. “You think you hard on that bike son?” I play my part “Fuck you bitches, you think you can keep up?”

Please catch me.

I find new reserves, these men, then boys, if they catch me, will hurt me. I am torn, catch me so I may get all this anger beaten out of me, or run to preserve my self. I reach deep inside and force my legs to go that…much…faster. I split lanes, the young men have begun to hollar and scream. They know how to play the game. I stand pumping more speed into my legs, these fuckers don’t own this road, I do.

Speed is life.

I am too fast, too fast to stop, too fast to die, to fast to be hassled by the mundane desires of violence. In a matter of moments I am 1, then 2 then 3 blocks away. The screams of my traffic entombed assailants die behind me. I cut a hard left in front of quickly approaching head lights. My back wheel misses by inches, I couldn’t give a shit. If I keep going, nothing can catch me, not cars, not angry youth, not death, not time, not fear, not even my own troubled heart.

All alone.

The road empties the further I get from downtown. It’s just me and my glowing anger. Can I out pace my own fury? I try. Faster, harder, push it for all it’s worth. I want to grind my knees off, want to break both legs, anything to make it all go away. Keep going forward, maybe then it will all stop.

This is the end.

I make it to the end, exhausted, furious, empty. A remnant husk of a man. None of this was worth it, none of it helped. The anger still made me want to gnash my teeth. The night didn’t care if I spilled my blood all over the street, the night was impervious to my minuscule desires. FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUCK!

You can’t outrun yourself.

Nothing works the way it should, sleep doesn’t fix your problems, and pushing yourself through a fun house of sharp cars will eventually get you killed. Only time, and hard work will fix this, but I can always count on my bicycle and the streets to give me a suitable challenge. A made to order meat grinder always waiting for me to throw myself into.

It seems like the cars are restless lately. In the span of three day two of them try to run me over? The fist while I was safely ensconced in a bike lane, the second while in clear view. Dear cars, the best way to ruin my day is to suddenly pull over in front of me. This makes me sad. Mostly because this means I will either, A) fly off my bike and land on your trunk, or b) fly off my bike and land on the ground. Both suck.

What particularly steamed me was the fact that the car this morning had the audacity to inform me that “I would have heard you if I had hit you” and “If I hit you why didn’t you fall?” Well excuse me for not making a louder sound as I bounced off your back tail light, and I most certainly did fall when you hit me, jerk face. Perhaps next time I will throw myself under the front wheels so that I make more noise and am clearly visible when falling.

My only thought is that it must be mating season for the cars, or perhaps they shed and it is itchy this time of year, because I have not seen them this restless in a long time. I will be extra careful to avoid more inter-species conflicts, lets hope they do the same.

I had a fantastic time this last Sunday at Hub On Wheels. They made all the cars go to other streets, and it was adventurers as far as the eye could see. I rode 45 miles with “fast” pack which was pretty fun. I had no idea Boston had so many hills. There were a couple of harry spots when I felt for sure I was going to eat some pavement.

Specifically when traveling down hill at a very high rate of speed and then being informed by a very helpful huuman with an orange flag that I need to make a 90 degree left hand turn RIGHT NOW! Luckily the other adventurers knew what they were doing and had called out instructions and I sort of knew what I was getting myself into.

Riding in large groups is always fun, especially when they know what they are doing. Getting into groups of people who are drafting you really get a feel for how fast you can go as a group. Riding alone you have to break your own hole in the air (which is fun don’t get me wrong) but as a group you move like an oiled cheetah. Since this was not a race we took turns in the front so no one had to get too tired.

It was great to see what the roads could look like if cars were regulated to the outskirts of the city. Some day, some day.

Damn mini-vans, they are quickly replacing cabs as my least favorite car species. I was having my normal morning ride, when low and behold mini-van awakes from its slumber and decides it needs to be right in front of me. Thats cool, I slow down, it pulls into traffic, I speed up and start to pass on the right. Seems mini-van needed to get right back out of traffic for some reason about ten feet down the road. No signal, no indication at all that it was pulling some sort of strange two parking space shuffle. Nearly pushed me off my ride as I had to lean way over the right and swerve through an ever shrinking gap to avoid the pinch.

My legs were a little shaky after that. I hate almost getting squished.

No not the silly car show, me. I was at an event the other day that ended well into the evening (9:30pm) which meant that it was real dark out. This was my first time doing a night ride in Boston.

When I lived elsewhere I would often ride at night. I remember once I rode by a low wet area near some woods, and saw millions of fireflies. They sparkled with a brilliance unmatched by anything I have seen before or since. They were like an ocean of diamonds bobbing lazily in the air. It was one of the most awe inspiring and beautiful things I have ever witnessed.

Suffice to say night rides can be great. This one was no exception. Without the hustle and bustle of the city, the night feels almost bigger somehow. The tiny pools of light from each street lamp lure you in out of the dark, then abandon you into it. The lack of cars on the road means you are free to take the lane and ride as fast as you want.

In order to get home I have to ride through some not so good areas, but the night seemed to insulate me from all of that. I was just a swift and silent agent of speed. No one and nothing could catch me. I felt like a blur shifted out over a long distance.

The darkness feels different than the light. It was about the same temperature, about the same wind speed, but it was somehow, better. Like the mythical ether that is supposed to fill space, perhaps this dark matter, this dark energy, is what makes you feel so good when you push through it.

I encourage you all to ride your bike in the dark soon, be careful and watch for cars, most sleep at night, but some are still awake. Happy pedaling.

There is a large hill near my home, as such I hit it every morning on the way to work, sometimes before my legs have had a chance to “get used to the day.” This especially happens when I have gone to bed really late and got up really early. Today I was feeling good, and it showed, I was cruising up that hill (rather steep mind you). A car passed as I was climbing smiling nicely out the passenger side as it went.

The car was just being nice, giving me a little smile as if to say, “hey look a guy riding up the hill, how nice.” I however took it as an invitation for flight lessons. When I got to the top of the hill, the car was at least a 2 blocks (Boston streets are in no way organized in any sort of grid so these measurements are estimates) down the street. I said to myself “can you catch that car?” then said back to myself “you bet your ass you can, go!”

I chunked it into high gear and stood up on it, sending a pleasant burning through my thighs and I was off like a shot. The air was sweet with speed as if flowed past my lips, I was gaining on the car, and I knew it. Looking up I saw that the chase was all but over as the car was slowing down for a red light. The fun was over…wait no it wasn’t I don’t have to stop for red lights, I am an adventurer.

I toasted that red (no one was coming from both ways I looked!), and pow! I was off. I love when I feel like this. Everything just sort of came together and I was flying like greased mercury. The entire 6 mile ride to work felt amazing. I was go go go the whole way.

Rides like this are why it is so great to ride a bike. The feeling of your legs moving, and the air over your face. The jumping excitement of the speed, the world rushing at you. All under your own power. Living to ride, might sound cliche, but it sure feels good to be alive while riding, you can at least take that to the bank.

Today I almost got hit by a car. This car was not doing anything wrong. In fact it was my own fault. I was going the wrong way down a narrow street. Several things were in my favor however. I was going slowly, as was the car. I had to go slowly to avoid sleeping cars, as did the car. And the car was a mini-cooper, leaving me room.

I didn’t however get hit by this car. I instead braked hard, swerved, threw a hard skid to bring my back end out of the way and kept on going. I didn’t even think about what I was doing, and the car never even honked. We were two kinetic beings and we had passed in the street as easy as you would pass someone while walking past them. I never even though “ohh crap!”, I simply reacted, I just kept moving.

That car might have thought I was an asshole, or maybe just thought I was crazy. But I thought nothing, my mind was free of all worry and honestly I wasn’t even bothered. My hands feet and legs knew what to do and they did them. I made a mental note to be more careful on that turn, and filed it away. Some would hear this story and take it as one more reason not to ride your bike, or one more reason why you should follow traffic laws. I see it as a beautiful dance.

So lets play a game. Pretend you are a car. You are driving down the road, and all of a sudden another car just decides that they want to turn left right in front of you. There is a very good chance you would crash right into them, hurting you both, and bending your fender and making your engine all broke and whatnot.

Today a minivan decided to do the same to me, lucky for me two things were true. One I was able to swerve into a nearby driveway, and two I was able to skid to a stop. The best part of minivans antics was that it then saw that I had stopped, and as I started moving forward again, it tried ONCE AGAIN to move through me. Enough already minivan! These sort of things happen for one simple reason, cars are not paying attention. If you are a car, you need to be looking for us adventurers, because we are much smaller than you, and it hurts when you give us hugs.

Other than a minivan trying desperately to give me it’s crushing love, the ride home was pretty good. I saw a very pretty lady adventurer and had a bit of witty banter with her. “On your left” I mentioned as I rode up past her on the left. “Nice day for a ride” I say, she responds, “Yes beautiful.” Clearly I am a pimp. Then she went right, and I went straight and the romance was over. Such is life.

The temperature outside was so perfect for riding, and I had a very pleasant time on the ride home. It was a gentle uplifting ride that just really made me feel good. You get one like that every once in a while, a perfect ride that just makes everything right. Until next time, I wish you all a perfect ride.

Nature shined on me a bit, and only drizzled listlessly on me as I rode home. There is however a simple principle of physics that I was dealing with all the way home. Skinny tires, no tread, lots of rain = no braking power, and lots of skidding. I rode slowly trying to be as safe as possible, but still found myself riding the skid for many feet on several occasions.

One memorable vignette, let me set the scene. I am in the right lane, mini-van wants to rush past me, then to my horror, pulls into the right hand lane almost directly in front of me and throws on the brakes for a right hand turn. I crank on the brakes, feel them engage, feel the back tire lock up and we are skidding. When you start to skid the bike often will start to shift, with the back wheel pulling to one side. This can be very fun, and also a bit scary. My solution, let go of the brakes, this made the wheel shoot back to the middle, then I would crank on them again, skid to the side, let go, rinse repeat.

The best part of all this was the really long and fun skids that I got to ride, the second best part was the horrified/sickly fascinated face of some huumans on the side watching me. It was like they both wanted me to crash, but also didn’t, and were both disappointed and thankful when I didn’t. After that little experience, and almost getting doored (gah), I decided not to press my luck, and walked it down a rather steep hill near my house. There would have been no way to stop in time if I had needed to, and with all the rain my swerving was gonna come up short.

I had pretty bad Swamp ass when I got home from the wheel fling, but a little toweling and me and the bike were dry. My bar tape is a bit wet from sitting out in the rain all day, but it should dry. I recently greased up the chain so it should be fine as well. Thursday is supposed to be warm and sunny again, so it looks like it is back to being able to brake for me, hurrah! Till then, ride it like you stole it.

You get wet, thats what. Been pouring outside all day, will check back in when I get home. Should be fun